What a way to start the day!

So I sit here questioning where am I going wrong. Today we started with a headache episode around 5am. I was woken up by a loud thud sound only to find my husband beating his head against the wall again trying to deal with the pain. After giving him all his meds I then had to console him just so he could calm down enough to fall asleep. I keep asking what triggered this one, and what could we have done to prevent it. Unfortunetly there is no easy answer to these questions. I still have not quite come to terms that there sometimes are no triggers, it just is.

 I go through the moments at least once or twice a week and yet I thought we were getting better. Apparently I spoke to soon. I am beyond exhaustion due to lack of sleep lately, and I can’t let my husband see that because if I do then he will hide his pain from me as to not subject me to his problems. I tell him no matter what he must tell me so I know to monitor him and determine whether he is fit to drive kids to school or to take care of the baby.

I have these days where I just want to curl up in a corner and make the world disappear but unfortunately life is too busy for me to have those moments. The last time I really got some free time with no hubby/kid involvement was about 5 months ago when I took a weekend trip to go see my uncle for the last time before he passed away. It was a wonderful trip but I was constantly wanting to check in on my family to make sure my husband was feeling ok.

I hope and pray that by doing these blogs on a regular basis I can remove all the negative thoughts that jumble my brain and move forward with the positive thoughts of how much I love my husband and how proud I am of him and all he suffers through everyday.