The strength within

It amazes me at how much I can still accomplish with sleep deprivation. The past 3 weeks have been a whirlwind of go, go, go, go. I feel like I have spent more time in my car than anywhere else.

After joining the “Hearts of Valor” I have learned a lot of tips and tricks to be able to help my husband through his healing process and to help manage and monitor his medications vs. just doing whatever the drs say. I have started journaling his bad days and have become a better voice for him when dealing with dr’s

It started with the fact that my husbands headaches had become not only worse but more often. Usually his debilitating headaches average from about 2-3 times a week and about 3 weeks after his neurologist adjusted his meds his debilitating headaches started coming daily. It was like a never ending circle. We made as many changes as possible with trying to reduce all the triggers that we could think of and still had no improvement.

Then we went and had our appointment with the PTSD therapist and learned more about the relationship if increased stress triggering his PTSD and making his headaches worse. We tried reducing the stress in the house as best as one could with 6 kids but it was a daily struggle, and still no improvement.

Finally I had to make an executive decision, I was frustrated seeing my husband in so much more pain than usual. So the decision was to put him on a pain scale from 1-10, once his pain level hit a 6-7 we were loading up and going to the ER at the VA which is an hour away from us.

On the first trip we left home when he was at a 7 and by the time we got to the hospital he was at an 8-9, and we knew that once he hit a 10 he was most likely to pass out from the pain. After 3 hours of waiting and my husband being on an IV and him already receiving a lower level pain med there was still no improvement. I had to force my husband to stay for treatment cause all he could see was that he was still in pain and getting no help from anyone. Finally the ER Dr decided to give him a dose of Morphine.

It was amazing, within minutes my husband went from in extreme pain to a zero pain, or as my husband described it “a negative 2”. My husband has no memory of this event but I had recorded it and when I played it back for my husband he was in shock. After 8 years of living with pain every single day he finally saw that he could have complete relief..

We made 3 more trips to the ER within a one week period and then went back to his primary dr cause we couldn’t get into his neurologist soon enough. Seeing my husband go to the ER so much made the dr’s double check his med and changed his medication.

That was a week ago and we have not had to make a trip to the ER since. I see him feeling better somewhat, however I feel like we keep dodging a bullet. His headaches are still pretty bad but its now taking a combination of tylonol with codine and his other meds to keep him from getting bad enough to go to the ER.

Now its just waiting till we see his PTSD therapist this week and see where it takes us.

　

Milk and Tomato's

So I took my husband with me to Wal-Mart with me yesterday to pick up a few groceries, primarily for our 15 month old., and boy was it interesting.

Our 15 month old has a sensitivity to cows milk so therefore he drinks soy formula, and soy milk, and I have yet to try to introduce him to anything that is milk based. So because of this there are quite a few things that a normal 1 year old eats that my son can’t have yet.

So while we were at Wal-Mart we decided to come up with things he could have that we could mix together to put into storage containers as pre-made meals instead of spending the extra money to do the Gerber meals which are not enough food to fill him up. We had already had mashed potato’s that I make with soy milk as our base for the meals and my hubby was wanting to find some veggies and meats to add to it. Veggies were the easy part cause my little man will eat just quite a few of them, but when it came to finding him some meats that he could handle that’s when the issues with my hubby started.

Hubby decided to go down the soup isle looking for a mix of stuff for the baby and kept picking out stuff like beef stew, and Progresso chunky soups….after about ½ a dozen flavors that I had to say no to my hubby started to show his frustration right there in the middle of the isle. Try explaining to my hubby that not only can our son not have any soups that are milk based (such as cream of chicken) but because his only 1 his digestive system is not ready for foods that have a tomato base due to the acidic level. My 1 year old is also not ready for anything with spices yet either….Hello!! He is only 1.

My hubby got so frustrated that he was about ready to give up and leave. After a bit of arguing and explaining I finally convinced my hubby to be satisfied with the food limitations until the Pediatrician says we are clear to start trying other foods.

These are the moments that really test my patients level and that chuckling at the situation is not because I’m laughing at my hubby but because the comical side of me is what helps keep my sanity in these situation. I tell my hubby that this is why I usually don’t take him grocery shopping with me but he reminded me that he does need to learn how to shop for our 1 year old and be able to know what he can and can’t have.

So what's a girl to do, at least my husband is interested in wanting to know what our son can have.

Post Super Bowl!

This was a cake that I made for my hubby's Super bowl Party!!

Well after a weekend of headaches, and my husband’s football team losing the Super Bowl I thought our week was going to start off rough. We went to the VA today for an appointment with the PTSD therapist and it turned out to be a productive day.

Yes, I said PRODUCTIVE and VA in the same sentence. I gained some knowledge that gave me a much better understanding of how PTSD affects the brain and what parts of the brain. Even after being with my husband for the past 5 years I feel like I only have a glimps of an understanding on how he is personally affected by his PTSD.

I was also able to finally touch base with a representative from Wounded Warrior and got my husband all squared away as well as start getting him a rep through Wounded Warrior to help him go back through his comp and pen and redue his application.

I got a lot of positive responses from everyone that I talked to and I felt that I am finally getting the exposure to the information that I have been looking for that would provide me with the best abilities to help my husband improve and finally truly recover.

Comedic Value Cures All!!

Pulled Pork going….check

Breakfast for kids….check
Cake mess clean…...check
3 gal sweet tea....….check

A momma who does what needs to be done….PRICELESS!!
 

This was a text message that I sent to my husband on Sunday morning after he left at 730 for church and I stayed home to get everyone else ready to be there about 1030. My original plan of coarse was to go and lay back down and enjoy the peace and quiet if even for only half an hour. Well my 6 year old and 1 year old changed that plan 5 minutes after the hubby left.

 So I figure “since I’m up I may as well get a few things done”. It amazes me that even with six kids under foot how much more I get accomplished when the husband isn’t home, and it’s not that he isn’t any help, it just feels like I can move around so much faster and just do what I need to do.

 I have learned not to take the good days for granted. After accomplishing all that need to be done on Sunday morning it allowed for my husband to come home from church and just work on what he wanted to till it was time for Royal Rumble. By doing this my husband’s stress level is much lower meaning he isn’t snapping at kids or focusing on something that needs to be done. This helps reduce the onset of his headaches allowing him to just relax so that way he feels good enough to enjoy the special times.

 

Yes my husband is a big wrestling fan and he has spread the enthusiasm of wrestling to all the kids in the house. So when special pay per views comes on we make a family deal with it. I cook something I normally don’t and I spend most of my time serving everybody and making sure all is happy.

I cherish these moments especially when my husband wakes up the next day talking about the event (this is how I know he felt good and wasn’t having a headache during the event). I cherish them because it was a wonderful family night that my husband will remember and my kids will always remember that dad/Big Nate was in a good mood and there was fun.

I talk about this because when these moments aren’t taking place I have learned to laugh at some of the most ridiculous things. I feel that if I don’t laugh then one of these days I will be sent to a loony been from having a breakdown.

 God gives us laughter as a wonderful emotion that helps even the worst moments bearable and for that I thank him.

 

What a way to start the day!

So I sit here questioning where am I going wrong. Today we started with a headache episode around 5am. I was woken up by a loud thud sound only to find my husband beating his head against the wall again trying to deal with the pain. After giving him all his meds I then had to console him just so he could calm down enough to fall asleep. I keep asking what triggered this one, and what could we have done to prevent it. Unfortunetly there is no easy answer to these questions. I still have not quite come to terms that there sometimes are no triggers, it just is.

 I go through the moments at least once or twice a week and yet I thought we were getting better. Apparently I spoke to soon. I am beyond exhaustion due to lack of sleep lately, and I can’t let my husband see that because if I do then he will hide his pain from me as to not subject me to his problems. I tell him no matter what he must tell me so I know to monitor him and determine whether he is fit to drive kids to school or to take care of the baby.

I have these days where I just want to curl up in a corner and make the world disappear but unfortunately life is too busy for me to have those moments. The last time I really got some free time with no hubby/kid involvement was about 5 months ago when I took a weekend trip to go see my uncle for the last time before he passed away. It was a wonderful trip but I was constantly wanting to check in on my family to make sure my husband was feeling ok.

I hope and pray that by doing these blogs on a regular basis I can remove all the negative thoughts that jumble my brain and move forward with the positive thoughts of how much I love my husband and how proud I am of him and all he suffers through everyday.

This is my first time blogging so to all who see's this, please bear with me as it is under construction.